I Promised Not to Tell: Raising a transgender child

This book is very well written, and very easy to read. The author does a fabulous job of explaining her son's history, and some of the struggles that her family went through during his transition. I really did enjoy the book very much.I must also admit, this book is not what I was expecting. While the author may well have presented the events as they actually occurred, I also feel like her son's journey was a bit....easier, maybe, than most people will experience. There seemed to be very little adversity for them to overcome. Everyone was immediately accepting of Jordan's new identity. The doctors agreed to hand over medications and surgery when Jordan asked for them, in spite of his age. He recovered remarkably quickly from surgery, and has never experienced a negative side effect, or any type of discrimination or bullying. Changing his legal documents was a slight headache, but the author was easily able to circumvent the requirement for Jordan to be 18 to get a new birth certificate, and have health cards and a license issued with his preferred gender. While I am truly glad Jordan had such an easy experience, I also don't believe his experience is typical. Someone looking for practical advice on how to deal with an unsupportive family, or school, or the bureaucratic headache that is changing documents may prefer a different book.Additionally, there are a few places where I feel the author comes across as willfully naïve on some issues. For instance, she devotes an entire chapter to bathroom access for transgender people, specifically, bathroom access in schools. Now, I personally don't care who uses what restroom, but I do feel like the author was being deliberately obtuse. I think most of the issues for school-age children revolve around locker room access, not bathrooms. I simply don't believe that the author has no idea why anyone would object to teenagers of both sexes being required to get undressed in a common space. I would have taken her point of view a lot more seriously if she had done more than throw up her hands and say "well, Jordan looks like a boy, so I can't imagine why someone wouldn't want him in the men's room." I was actually looking forward to an intelligent discussion about how to navigate such issues from someone who has been there, but it was not to be.Overall, I do think the book is good, and worth a read.

I have read so many peoples' horror stories about coming out, and how their parents reacted negatively. Reading something that is not only from the perspective of a parent, but a supportive one at that who goes out of the way to educate herself on these issues is incredibly refreshing. I loved reading about the family's experience and the different ways they handled the situation. Every story is different, but this one is full of love and support, two things we all need, especially if you're transgender yourself. I seriously recommend this to parents of transgender children, and transgender people alike. Parents will be able to find comfort in the shared experience, and trans people will be able to see that there is hope for them, too (that's certainly what I found). And if you're ever in a pinch, you can jump to the back of the book at any point to find some great resources for trans people and those around them alike. Even if you don't know any transgender people, but still want to learn more, this book is a great resource to better understanding what some experiences are like, and all the struggles the people and their families will face.If your child just came out as transgender, if you yourself are transgender, or if you just want to know more about what life is like for the family of a transgender person, this book is for you. It's a very easy read and it's very easy to come back to. It's hopeful, uplifting, and very full of heart.

This is a very well-written memoir by a woman whose daughter transitions to become her son. Her descriptions are candid and touching. The honesty with which she describes “mourning” her daughter at his transition was quite poignant.My only complaint is one shared by her transgender son, whose feedback after reading part of this memoir was to complain, “Why did you care so much about what God thought anyway?” I understand why she felt compelled to research biblical perspectives, given the truly sad situation of having her other daughter’s Christian friends feeding her their intolerance. But I don’t understand why she put so much effort into providing biblical and religious justifications in this book? It’s not like the transphobic fundies would ever read past the first few pages, where the author makes it clear that she accepted and supported her trans son.Ironically, her kids hadn’t finished reading the memoir at press time. Her comment about this was the only typo I noticed – “neither of my children finished reading it THOUGH to the end”. I’m a retired editor so typos both annoy and jump out at me. It was refreshing to find a book almost entirely free of them.

Gender dysphoria is something that has been increasingly understood in the modern world, though public attitudes have not necessarily adapted as quickly as they should. Let's be honest, the subject makes many people feel uncomfortable, yet there is no logical reason why it should, as long as love and respect rule in one's dealings with a person who has identified with a different gender from the one into which they were born. It is intriguing how young many transgender people are when they realise their true selves. "jordan", the second child of author Cheryl B Evans, was just a toddler when he rejected his female traits. He was fortunate in having parents who were so supportive of his transition, and in living in Canada, which is more progressive in such matters than some parts of the United States, for example. For his mother the journey the family took together was at times challenging, but ultimately fruitful. Though this book will of special interest to parents raising a transgender child (there is lots of practical advice) it should have much wider appeal, not least because it is written with the charming simplicity of sincerity.

In all honesty this is not a book I would have picked up and read but I am so glad that I was lucky enough to have been given the opportunity by the author. I Promise Not to Tell is a book that should be required reading for everyone. This is a topic that is not the easiest to tackle but the author dealt with it with sensitivity, compassion and understanding and this was because the story is told from the point of view of a parent of a transgender child. All the way through the book I kept thinking how blessed Jordan was to have such loving, understanding parents who were prepared to do anything for their child. The author did a great job of not coming across as judgemental towards others who displayed quite narrow points of view and I really connected with how she said, 'Your curiosity does not make it your business to know or have the right to question.' The chapter about washrooms was also very good and really highlighted just how stupid this recent debate has become.The author sets out clear objectives of what she wanted to achieve in writing and publishing this book and there is no question that she has achieved this. It did sometimes feel like the book was written by a parent for other parents and since I am not a parent myself that did sometimes cause me to disconnect with the book a little. I think the author may have underestimated the impact the book could have on a wider audience. This book certainly made me stop, think, reconsider and develop a much more sympathetic and understanding view around the issue of Transgenderism.It is very easy to read high profile books that have huge marketing campaigns, written by big name authors, but it is books like 'I Promise Not to Tell' that shape the people we become and the views we have towards others. I strongly recommend others to read this book and I wish that young adults in schools were expected to read such texts.

I picked this book up for diversathon and to widen my understanding about transgender issues. What I loved was that this family did what was best for Jordan, the child and sibling that was much loved.This is a very useful guide full of information where other people can get further advice if they need help with transgender issues.This was a very open and honest account from a mother who helped her daughter transition into a happy male. This would not have been easy for all involved.well done Cheryl Evans for writing this. Anything good to raise awareness and better educate us all.

I finally got around to reading your book, sorry for the delay, “I Promised Not To Tell”. This book should be required reading to everyone not just those with children questioning their gender, or like myself starting out my own transgender journey. The effort you and your family went to ensuring Jordan got to where he is, keeping his best interests and safety at heart was incredible, many people would have fallen at the first hurdle I’m sure.Your perseverance in dealing with the legal and administrative bureaucracy is astounding. That not only helped your son and your family but countless other transgender people following on after, both at home and in other countries which go on to adopt similar procedures. You have undoubtable helped enormously there and you should be commended. I say thank you from all of us.The care and tenderness with you approached what was happening to your family is heart- warming, as is the many good people who help you and Jordan. That school principal you got so much support from, what a guy top of the class for him. Tears were shed by me a times in a nice way.Thank once more. Dee

Excellent book, really helped me understand more of this issue.