The Girls from Ames: A Story of Women and a Forty-Year Friendship

My reading of The Girls from Ames was prompted by three things. First I am familiar with Zazlow's columns. He writes about compelling human interactions/relationships/tribulations/experiences in his columns for the WSJ. He is a good writer. More importantly, though I am just 10 years older than these girls, and I have three very close friends who I met when we were 4 and 6 years old, and with whom I have remained tightly connected. Lastly my mother-in-law, who is in her 90's asked me for a book recommendation. Because she has 65-year friendships with several women in her town, and because she lived in Ames for about one year decades a ago, when she was first married, I thought this book would interest her. I looked forward to the discussion with her, of this book and our respective friendships.I read the whole book, and came away with two thoughts. First, the friendship that these women have carried forward is great for them; it is just not that interesting. (My close friendship with childhood chums is also great, but would not fill a book that the multitudes would enjoy. Secondly, the bigger issue for me was, as many others have commented, that there were too many of them. It was annoying to have to go back and forth in the book to try to keep them all straight. It was even more annoying that because there were eleven, he obviously decided for brevity to focus on four of them (one who lost a child, one who was and remains a wild child herself to this day, one who was the only Jew, and one whose father was the pediatrician that most of them shared). The others get short shrift. The story of Karla and her daughter Christie was compelling. I would have been happy to know a whole lot less about Kelly, who is very self focused. As for the Jane, I am the flip side of her as the only christian with three jewish friends in my circle. None the less , the narrative of story past and present was just right. The physician's daughter was dwelled from her girlhood experience/perspective, but the compelling issue form her past seems to predominate her being now; what else does she do with her life as an adult? And yes, Sheila's death would have been more profound than discussed, given they were all just out of college and still close. As for the other 6, we learn next to nothing about them as adults, particularly Angela and Sally.Of note, I found Kelly overbearing as a person, and noticed in the recent photo on the stairs, the one that replicates the high school photo, that she is the only one not being touched nor touching another women. I have no doubt they love her and and she them, but her personality and behavior are abrasive and off putting and behavior, how does this affect the others as adults, that needed to be fleshed out. There is story there about how the other girls perceive her/relate to her/link to her now, that wasn't discussed; I suspect that Zazlow didn't want to hurt her feelings, but he need to discuss this.Zazlow's explanation and compilation of studies women's vs. mens friendships was interesting; and I have experienced much of it. But he needed to focus on a smaller group, and delve into each girl/woman's life then and now. I am certain that this book is driving my mother-in-law nuts with the confusion over who is who. Though, I look forward to an interesting conversation with her.Again, my biggest issue with this book is that 11 was hard to follow, especially as they were not distinctly different.

My first read was on my Kindle. I ordered four printed copies today as gifts for women friends of mine. You go girls!This is an account of the friendship of eleven girls from the Ames, Iowa, high school class of 1981, who bonded into a fun-loving, sometimes misbehaving, and always supportive group that began in grade school and continues strongly today. Give it to your late teen and twenty-something daughters to encourage them to nurture friendships to share their joys, but also to support them in difficult times. (It is also a most useful guide into the feminine psyche for males.)Although the author is male, these are women's stories and women's views. Correspondence between the group by phone, letter, and email and recollections of the conversations of the group at frequent reunions provide nearly all of the material. The husbands, who are admired and loved for the most part, are quite silent here. This is not a polemic by or about angry feminists; and most of us can probably accept the book's two most important points: a group of friends is as important to happiness as family, and women make the best friends (for women AND men).Having grown up in neighboring Minnesota two decades earlier than the group, I enjoy accounts of growing up in the heartland. It has been forty years since I left the Midwest, and this group too has dispersed with members in California, Arizona, South Carolina, Massachusetts, Illinois, Minnesota, and Montana. Most have worked much of their adult lives in positions including public school teacher, college professor, CPA, Hollywood makeup artist, PR executive, Starbucks barista. Several have been stay-at-home moms for long periods. The group had more than twenty children at last count.All in the group are white, and all except one had parents that were at least nominally Christian. Parents were middle class and upper middle class in Ames, a university and research city as much as a corn and pig farming center. All except one have married one or more times, and none are openly gay. The values of the group and their life experiences are then familiar to a large number of American women (and men), but something well short of a majority.The binding of the group has grown even stronger now in middle age by real-time (thanks to email) love and support during crises: the tragic death at age 22 of a member of the group, the death from leukemia of a teenage child beloved by all of the "aunts" as the first-born of the group, divorces, deaths of parents, and breast cancer. Politics and careers seem to get little attention. Sex remains a frequent topic for the group, especially after a glass of wine or two at a reunion.I was struck by the egalitarian nature of the group today. Competition (for the "cute boys") perhaps peaked in ninth grade. They all accept each other's good and bad points; and leadership is not vested in any one member. Guys, it's kind of like a good football team; they are all teammates. But teammates for life in the game of life.Although this is a happy book about friendship, you are going to shed some tears. Women will want to hug a friend or two after reading the book; guys won't quite know what to do.

I wanted to really really love this book. Without even having read the book I was excited by and loved the apparent good intent behind it to share the author's deep curiosity and appreciation of the eleven interwoven relationships he chronicles in The Girls From Ames. What I ended up wishing for was that more of the story had been shared in the words of the women themselves... and I hope they might someday pull together another book themselves featuring their own actual letters, journal entries and email!My 'complaint' is not so much that the author let us down in any way- he obviously cared and wrote well about his subjects.. and I did find myself amazed at how complex a tapestry he was attempting to weave - introducing 11 people and their inter-relationships, families and challenges over the years was a complex endeavor which could easily have bogged down - either in too much detail or in a too-superficial portrait of each girl for us to follow and care about her trajectory through life. These pitfalls were avoided, and there was warmth-- yet I do long for 'the rest of the story' as might be related in fuller living color by the subjects themselves.

Well I am a 54 year old european male so it took me a while to get used to the breathless middle clas US female style of narrative but I can see why it has been such a success- it is 100% all-american and all about female bonding and friendship etc.It is the kind of stuff that would have been serialized in a magazine 50 years ago.Finished it, but not really for me, however I know that lots of people out there will love this book - so yes I can recommend sincerely if this is your taste - honestly.