How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong

I bought this book hoping it would not only help me with my marriage, but for dealing with difficult people. It really helped me with my heart. I took many priceless notes and scriptures to remind me of who God sees me as, and how I have the choice to turn it all around. It also reminded me of the cognitive behavior skills I learned in peer support training. A great balance of therapy and theology. I love books that help me to see God's even deeper and this book was it!! Thank You for writing it.

Another great book coming out of the movement that Gary Thomas started with his book Sacred Marriage. What if a happy marriage wasn't actually the end goal and instead God had something much more powerful and ultimate in mind when it came to matrimony? Holiness over happiness is the Kingdom way. It's the same in all of our other relationships too. God doesn't guarantee happy trails but He does guarantee holiness through trials. Pain, CS Lewis said, was "...God's megaphone..." that we can't ignore and from which we learn and grow much more than we do from comfort and ease.Leslie Vernick has done a great service to the married among us with her book How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong. Provocative title to say the least. This is a wonderful resource, very practical, convicting and accessible. Leslie is a clinical social worker with years of experience helping people think about and behave Biblically within their marriages. You will not find cheap, quick and shallow fixes for conflict in these pages. Instead, you will be challenged to step back and think eternally about your relationships. Disappointments and failures (both yours and others) are used by God in mighty ways to turn your focus away from trying to find peace and fulfillment in your spouse (who will inevitably let you down) and aim your affections, instead, upon God Himself and the grace He extends in His Son Jesus Christ."Please take note that what we hope to birth in the process of our suffering makes a difference in our ability to endure. If we hope to invoke a positive response from our spouse, whether it be a heartfelt apology, personal repentance, an improved marital relationship, or a happy marriage, we may end up sorely disappointed and angry. This might cause us to give up in the midst of labor. The child is dead, why persevere? But if we can focus on birthing the character of Christ in us, then we can labor with joy, even in the midst of hardship. We can know that this sanctification process shall birth the lovely image of Christ in us."This would be a great book for counselors to use for young married couples in their first few years after the honeymoon is over. :) I can highly recommend it as it's a work birthed out of the hope of the good news of Jesus Christ. Because Christ has come and paid the penalty for sin, we can be set free from the destructive cycles we get caught up in, in our marriage and instead follow the principles of scripture which will put our feet on solid ground and move us forward. It may not make the pain and difficulty of every marriage away (sin often has long term and unavoidable consequences) but it will give you the outlook and approach to things that will spur perseverance, godliness and a good witness to a watching world.

This is the best book I've seen on how to act right when we've been wronged. Although the title refers to marriage, it applies well to any interpersonal relationship where we must CHOOSE to do what is right regardless of what others have done to us.This book is not about fixing others as much as it is about doing what is right regardless of others.When you buy this book, it might be good to reassure your spouse that you're not buying it because they are acting Wrong (at least I that's the case) and that you are seeking to improve them, rather you are reading this book in order to make your own responses more Biblical.I would note one shortcoming. The book never directly addresses apply Church Discipline, Matthew 18. Whether it be how and when to proceed with the church discipline process with a sinning spouse or how to deal with a spouse that has been disciplined and has been put out of the church. Church discipline is not optional, it is an important tool to keeping the church pure and sin in check and I believe that it should have been addressed explicitly.The book does talk about consequences, which it clearly distinguishes from retaliations or revenge, and those consequences could be significant and should include the possibility of church discipline.Praise: for the most part the author refers to your spouse as your spouse and rarely uses the word 'partner'. This is a pet peeve of mine, the use of the word 'partner' instead of 'spouse'. I believe the usage of 'partner' as opposed to 'spouse' was deliberately changed in 70's to open up the marriage relationship to other forms married/unmarried male/female relationships. The word spouse is so much more appropriate when speaking of our 'partner in marriage' and I applaud the authors consistent use of the word spouse.I will be purchasing a copy of this book for each of my young adults and will stock this book as one that I give away to people that need help.

The author is very thorough and gives many examples throughout the chapters of how to act right even when things aren't good between you and your spouse. Starting off with looking at your own heart, she moves on to practical ways to act right in different situations and ends with the personal blessings you receive as a result of acting right regardless.While we can't change our spouses or control the circumstantial outcomes, we can change our own attitude to the situation and, while that can be tough, it brings greater rewards than crumpling up as a 'victim', pouring fuel on the fire at home, or even storming out of the marriage altogether. Ultimately, we need to have a bigger picture of life (to glorify God) rather than dwelling on our own little 'kingdom' not working out as we had planned. God is more focused on our holiness than our happiness and as we grow, we will be rewarded for our faithfulness.

This is a truly inspirational book and would recommend it to all couples who are either About to get married or already married. The book completely changed my mind set about marriage and helped to start appreciating what I have and making God the focal point in my life and not my husband. As woman I feel we expect a lot from our marriage but in reality it is God we should turn to for everything and not a person.Thank you Leslie. May God bless you for this wonderful, insightful book. You have truly changed my life.

An excellent read.

A book filled with divine wisdom and practical application .I found the information in the book very useful for every living.

Pragmatic approach to resolving relationship issues