Spare

I just now finally got to this book I ordered when it first came out. It was wonderful. The writing, the story, and the lessons. First, the main takeaway is the incredible strength and natural integrity Harry has in the midst of immoral madness. This experience reminded me of the poem, "IF" by Kipling. The line that relates here goes something like this: "If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, and blaming it on you...." He has been blamed for using his mind and his decision-making skills, while those sold into submission (the whole Royal family) gave up their 'Self' and any real sense of whole 'being-ness." There remain systems that no longer work. They were unethical when they started and they are unethical now. The Royal business is as such. It can be morally Re-balanced and I will hope someone at some time will do that if the British people continue to need or enjoy it. But 'Royals' needing and requiring submission, bows, from others why they make the others feel 'less than' and more, is morally wrong. Especially when you have a new 'queen' who is a liar and cheat, along with her mate. Where is the 'better than you" there? Kate was what British folks call a "commoner" as I read when William met her. She has relinquished her autonomy, so of course William will demand that from Meghan. In many families the first born are favored, and in William's case he will be King. Who wants that? Who wants the bows, the submission? No one really. Read Shakespeare. The royals end up needing the servants more than the servants 'need' them. I feel badly for William and can only hope that when he is King, he will rid the tradition of these horrible actions. I do think there is envy there on his end. Harry can be free. William is not and never will be. In the meantime, the many moral issues Harry points out are great lessons for students of all ages. What makes us a person? What epithets do we live by that give us identity and power or hold us hostage and powerless? How is one person more valuable than another just by birth order? Why must an American woman who has developed her own Self-worth change who she is and give up autonomy (as Kate has) just to marry? How incredibly wrong. Diana was used "merely as a means to an end" (Kant) and the Royal "company" are complicit in that. Once she had the heir and spare there was no more need for her. That is made clear by the king and mate now. Incredibly wrong. Why any British citizen would bow to them is a thought I do not understand. Tradition is okay, until we know it is wrong. Congratulations Harry. You are a teacher. Continue to pay attention to building your 'house' emotionally and financially so when you are older you can contribute to the lives of others even more You have already done that in many ways and I thank you.

Ok, to write this without giving anything away for those who haven't read it yet, I'll just say that I loved the raw, open honesty of this book, and reading about Harry and Meg's journey to where they are now. Harry has always been my favorite and now he's even more so. I love how protective he is of his wife and children, but it makes me sad and disappointed, and even angry at his brother and father for treating Harry and his family as badly as they do. And, I feel his grandmother, HRH, could and should have shown him more support. But Harry has proven himself to be the bigger man by far than his father and brother, and Meg the better, more loveable, down-to-earth woman than Kate has ever been. Harry and Megan are as "real" as any two people can be, and I'm so glad they're bringing up their children to be just as real.

I was interested in reading Prince Harry's story but unsure what to expect from this memoir. It could have been anodyne, avoiding the elephant in the room concerning his family relationships. It could have been scorched earth. It's neither. Harry clearly has (or had) great affection for his father and his brother, and his criticisms of them are mild and/or oblique. But there is no escaping what happened, and when he does write about the behaviors that led to him choosing to leave the UK with his wife, it is direct, sometimes shocking, and utterly believable. Harry waited a long time to speak and he clearly has receipts. I found the chapters about Harry's military service among the most interesting. Clearly he could never be just an ordinary soldier, but he went through the same paces and journey as pretty much any recruit in many ways. This part of the story provides a compelling and clear context for his service and dedication to veterans and his Invictus Games endeavors. After reading this, it broke my heart that he was stripped of some of his military titles and was not allowed to wear his uniform to his grandmother's funeral. Especially when you see his family members who never served in the same way strutting around with chests full of unearned medals. I said what I said. There is some information in the book I guess I didn't need to know, but I understand why he included it. His life has been media fodder since Day One, and it's clear that people have been writing and reading twisted and even untrue stories about him for decades. I guess he wanted to get some things out there himself so he could say it in his own words, because he didn't get to do that before. The book is really a story of enduring and overcoming trauma, and how it can take years and a lot of mistakes, missed chances and side-journeys to do so. I was never a Royal watcher. I remember when Diana died, and watching her sons walk behind her coffin. But I had a job and young kids at the time, so I didn't pay attention to the family for years after that. You get a tremendous insight into how they operate reading this book. I would never, ever want to be Royal or raise my kids that way. Certainly not the way it has been done in Great Britain. Oh, and Camilla is awful. That really comes across in Harry's memoir. He doesn't trash her, but he is honest about what she did and how he felt about it. I would say she is the one whose misdeeds are really laid bare here. Even then, as I said, he is not on a war path or anything. He's just telling it like it is. Anyway, it's a compelling story about a public figure, a man (and before that a boy) whom people thought they knew but who has so much more depth and complexity than many believed. It's definitely worth reading. Slow in spots and with some details that made me scratch my head a bit. But very interesting and sympathetic.

I don’t really read these kinds of books. I’m addicted to sci fi and historical romance and intake most my gossip/nonfiction news from social media mediums and independent research (Tik Tok and Twitter). I don’t think I’ve ever read a biography, autobiography, or memoir outside of an educational setting. I picked this up just bc I was interested in all the weird excerpts the media put all over headlines in the days leading up. I’m also a big supporter of evaluating primary sources first-hand as my liberal arts bachelors degree taught me before I form opinions. I expected a celebrity tell-all gossip piece.. BUT, this piece took my breath away. I read it in one night and went through so many emotions. I had to put it down multiple times to laugh, cry, and self reflect. Well-done to Harry taking the hard step to be vulnerable to the world in his own way and taking control of his narrative and his writer is absolutely so talented. The writer is so magnificent, I cannot say it enough. This book is going to be analyzed in classrooms, positively, negatively, analytically one day as it touches on coming-of age, literature and motifs, the most recent war, and a love story and a social and political discourse on British press and its relationship with the Palace. People are going to be talking about this book for ages and as Meghan and Harry seem to be really polarizing to some. I recommend anyone supporter or not, British or American, read this book first and form your own opinions. Clear your mind of the bias from what you know of Harry from the press and media and read it about a story of a boy growing into a man. It’s really quite good when you look past you’re own biases. Harry’s really grown when it comes to his own biases and privilege and this book really explores that growth in a first person POV that also causes to reader to take a step back and evaluate themselves but I do think he needs to sit on his support of a Monarchy a bit more lol…it was nice as an American to understand British culture a bit more though and I feel like I was able to put myself in the other Royals shoes and humanize them as well! Since Meghan and Harry are the only ones who we’ve been able to authentically hear from as of late. I know a lot of people will speak on his chapters of his experiences in the war negatively, and to be honest. I wasn’t expecting that kind of candor and rawness and it resonated with me but in a introspectively beneficial way..as someone who is currently in the neo-stage of their military officer career (I only joined because I wanted to be a leader and get college paid but I’ve been more introspective on leadership and military more lately) I had to take military history classes when I was in college, I read many textbooks and memories who recount experiences similar to his from the civil war, Vietnam and WW1/2 perspective and we analyzed them relentlessly…but I haven’t seen a lot of memoirs from veterans from the War on Terror or from non-Americans. With the peacetime the U.S. is in I guess I doubt I’ll be serving long enough to ever experience the trauma he went through and it helps me understand the PTSD of modern soldiers and those veteran NCOs I work with. That section made me really introspective about the military and the way we’re trained and the discourse around the ethics of it even though his military experience is from a different country. (Side note this really helped me realize how important OPSEC is lol I literally screamed OPSEC at the book at one point). I enjoy the way he recounted his childhood and his relationship with his family. It was very tactful and well-written and I think every comment that a tabloid has pulled as “offensive” out of context was balanced out throughout the book as we really delved into the nuances of family and our childhoods. The people he mentions in this book are not just characters and celebrities in a show or tabloid but real people who are multifaceted and there is no antagonist and protagonist in real life. He also kept it spicy with the funny TMI moments about his social life and ~extracurricular~ activities. The random celebrity name drops were hilarious to me with his sarcastic tone and obviously not ill-mannered or narcissistic as I saw some implied. I think that was the perfect amount of comedy and tiny factoids that are ultimately harmless and affect no one except entertain the reader. I’m a very TMI person and the way he exposed embarrassing moments is the way I talk to my inner circle of friends and I felt like I was listening to a friend tell me a story on girls night. I saw on Twitter people were offended by the TMI but let’s be honest, if he hadn’t left in the spicy/funny comments people would have just said his memoir is boring and a waste of money and money-seeking. I’m sure there are plenty of other TMI details of his life that are private and he did not share. Everything he shared that people called “TMI” is inconsequential to the audience and only there to entertain comedic relief amongst the other dark themes in this book. This probably went through hella reviews and many consultations to make sure it wasn’t too out there. I could ramble forever about this book…I wanna join like a book club or reddit to discuss it. This is truly one of my favorite reads in like the last ten years. I may have separate opinions about the Harry v. the Monarchy discourse but I just want to endorse the book is SUCH a good read anyways for those on edge.

If you are traumatized by stories of animal cruelty, skip chapters 83-85. Otherwise it’s an engaging read. I realized how little I knew about Harry. This book made me think better of him in some cases (worldly and tough) and lesser of him in others (prone to stretches of idleness and partying). The book gives a shoulder view of a rarified life, in the royal family, the military, and far off undeveloped regions. You also go on his journey of introspection, dealing with his mother’s death, life in a fishbowl, and struggles with his family. While his life with Meghan presented its own challenges, my takeaway is that it has been a net positive turning point in his life. You can feel the normalcy and happiness emanating from him, turned on like a light switch from the moment he met her. I think he describes royal life at one point as “fancy prison,” or something like that. But I was struck by how spartan his accommodations were in his young adulthood. He was housed in a basement apartment in one of the palaces for a while, literally partially below ground. Then he was in a cottage with low ceilings where he would literally bump his head sometimes. No cooks, servants, etc. He was fending for himself at the grocery store like any other bachelor. Then when he mentioned wanting to marry Meghan, Charles said no because he (Charles) couldn’t afford it. He couldn’t add another person to his budget. What?? So, Charles comes off as staggeringly cheap. And William comes off as a cold petty jerk, worse than Charles. No reliable big brother.

Spare was a revelation to me. All of the little snippets taken out of the book and posted, mostly out of context, by the media, looked very different inside the actual book, which was extremely well written by the ghostwriter, J.R. Moehringer. I listened to the audiobook, which was read by Prince Harry, who did a wonderful job. It absolutely lays open Prince Harry’s life, good and bad, for all to see. The main message of this book is how the paparazzi have irrevocably changed, invaded, and tried to ruin a young man’s life, all to make money for themselves. And they do it unflinchingly over and over. When the book came out, the snippets posted and spun by the media led to a lot of people saying they would never read the book. That was what the media wanted, for this book is a complete condemnation of them, and it reveals their nature and true practices. It was also really brought home to me how the royal family is a corporation first, and family comes a distant second. I learned how the royals are treated by the paparazzi, and how the courtiers work with the media and the “paps,” as Prince Harry calls them, to create stories out of thin air. I learned that different offices within the palace would sacrifice other family members to make their chosen royal look better, especially Charles and Camilla’s office. Diana used to say that Charles was outraged by her popularity and Harry says it again here. Charles and Camilla cannot bear for anyone to be more popular than they are, and their courtiers will make sure of it. Hearing this, It is easy for me to believe that Camilla is still behind the scenes pulling strings, because that’s what she did to Diana all those years ago. Diana famously said there were three people in her marriage, which Camilla had invaded and controlled before it even began. The most heartbreaking scene in this book is when Harry asked for the police investigation photos of his mother’s death and was going through them. Here are his words below. “At last I came to the photos of Mummy. There were lights around her, auras, almost halos. How strange. The color of the lights was the same color as her hair—golden. I didn’t know what the lights were, I couldn’t imagine, although I came up with all sorts of supernatural explanations. As I realized their true origin, my stomach clenched. Flashes. They were flashes. And within some of the flashes were ghostly visages, and half visages, paps and reflected paps and refracted paps on all the smooth metal surfaces and glass windscreens. Those men who’d chased her… they’d never stopped shooting her while she lay between the seats, unconscious, or semi-conscious, and in their frenzy they’d sometimes photographed each other. Not one of them was checking on her, offering her help, not even comforting her. They were just shooting, shooting, shooting.” Harry shares his disgust that the accident was blamed solely on the driver, who had been drinking, and not at all on the paparazzi chasing Diana. I really appreciated the honesty in this book. Harry doesn’t flinch from revealing that he has used drugs and talks about all of the famous, negative stories about him. He refutes a lot of the stories, positive, and negative, that the media has simply made up out of thin air. He admits to the ones that are true. He apologizes for the things he did wrong. He talks a lot about his military service and how proud he is of his country. He praises the people he served with. The media simply says of all of his military service that he spoke about killing 25 Taliban. While he does do this, it is in a professional way over many chapters. The media crows that his words enraged the Taliban. It was really the media that did this with their reaction to this book, aimed at keeping people from reading it. Another thing that is made evident is the control that the family has over all of its members. Charles controls the funds for both William and Harry, who had no money of his own except a sum left to him by his mother. Harry had to ask permission for even the smallest of things. He even had to ask the Queen permission to have a beard when he got married. The Queen granted his request, which became a problem between himself and William because William was made to shave his beard. Harry wasn’t allowed to choose any career he wanted. Some choices were vetoed by his father. The freedom he felt when he finally broke away must have been amazing. The differences between Archie’s birth and Lilibet’s birth show how much freedom he has now. Archie’s birth was fraught with protocol and restrictions with courtiers sticking their noses in of course. Lilibet’s birth in the U.S. was simple and unencumbered by rules and courtiers, and everything was done according to the wishes of the parents, Harry and Meghan. The picture that the media painted of two close brothers who were torn apart by Meghan Markle is another lie. William almost always kept a distance between them and Harry always longed for them to be closer. Combine that with a distant, self-involved father and a mother who died too young, and that led to loneliness and mental health issues. Harry is candid about his mental health issues, how he sought out therapy, and how his memories of his mother were locked away for a long time. He talked about Meghan’s suicidal thoughts and how his family never stood up for them. This is an eye-opening look at what it’s really like to be a royal. I encourage everyone to read it and highly recommend the audiobook version. I read somewhere that the deal with Random House is for four books. If that is true, I hope one of them is devoted to looking into his mother's death. The opinions expressed are solely my own. I purchased this book on Audible.

I had to take a break from writing this review to separate my two sons. It seems one has pushed the other over in some sort of disagreement…Such is the nature of brothers, of siblings, of families. Prince Harry’s memoir is equal parts refreshingly and cringe-worthily honest. It leaves no stone unturned, and in that lies its greatness and its tragedy. Like any family, Prince Harry’s is a mix of differing personalities and quirks, but unlike every family they are a part of a 1000 year institution- in which the expectations, customs, and formality run deep. In fact he is in a position so unlike any other human that this is almost a must-read. But it’s more of a curiosity satisfier- and when you’re done you kind of get the feeling you do when you accidentally open a restroom stall and someone is using it. You politely want to apologize excuse yourself from their business… What I liked- the Prince’s detailed account in falling in love with Meghan Markle. Marrying into a family culturally different than you is no easy feat- and I can’t imagine the learning curve she had to face- mostly alone. Her feelings of isolation and despair come across clearly. This is a man who truly loves his wife. Perhaps, as the late, remarkable Queen purportedly stated, maybe a little ‘over in love.’ I also truly felt the Prince captured the pain of losing his beloved mother, in the most tragic of circumstances, poignantly and honestly. In that he does a service to those also suffering grief (i.e.-all of us). His openness and willingness to receiving mental health services is admirable and I believe will help many. (If only all were able to access the kinds of treatment and mental health support the Prince did, but I digress…) What I didn’t like: There is sharing and then there is over-sharing. (Hence, me feeling like I accidentally walked in on him in the restroom, indisposed). I don’t need/want to know the details of his ‘first time,’ while his military service is laudable, discussing the number of Taliban fighters he killed was in poor taste, and the tiny snippets he throws in regarding Kate seem rather petty. As a woman who admires both Kate and Meghan, I felt he was perhaps unintentionally adding to the common trope that women must always be jealous and fighting. Much of his disdain is aimed at the British press, and I can’t deny it is likely a brutal and ugly business. But perhaps too much disdain is aimed at his family as well- imperfect as they are. While I’m certain there was a level of catharsis in writing this memoir, I worry that the long term consequences will far outweigh any positive outcomes from such a blistering account. My prayers to this entire family as they navigate these tough waters, that have now seemingly become even more treacherous.

This is an honest, heartfelt account of the life of Prince Harry and his unique challenges in claiming his true self, his freedom, and the love of his life. He is forthright about his feelings of the profound loss of his mother, his inability to grieve, and the impact of an emotionally distant father and family. He freely admits his mistakes, choices, and insecurities and in doing so allows the reader to feel his pulse — the heartbeat of an extraordinary and courageous man. He provides an account — previously diminished, distorted, fabricated, manipulated or controlled by the British tabloids and their palace cohorts and the Royal family — of the intense and often dangerous effects of the tabloids and paparazzi on his life, his wife Meghan and their family and friends. He explains in detail how this bizarre, dysfunctional relationship between the palace staff and the Royal family have with the tabloids functions, who benefits and how, why it exists, and even identifies the palace institution enablers who effectively manage “The Firm.” He does not bash nor condemn his relatives, as some might expect; rather, he presents a balanced view of his family, often with loving and affectionate recollections, yet is courageously forthright about certain family members’ behaviors, conversations and lack of support throughout his life and especially as it relates to his marriage. In spite of all that, it is quite clear he mourns his family but they made it impossible for him to continue in his role or simply as a member of the family. His loyalty is to his wife and family; he is dedicated to protecting them and helping them thrive. Further, it is at times terrifying to read of the lengths the tabloids and paparazzi have gone in stalking Harry, even during his combat deployments, and later how they were unrelenting in terrorizing Meghan, other relatives, friends and associates. It is also sickening to read of the outright lies, often fed to the tabloids by palace staff themselves, deceit and hurtful untruths spread to diminish the Prince and his wife in the eyes of the British people. Further, the book reveals how the Royal family were beseeched time and again to intervene, but refused to help, apparently so as to not negatively impact their public personas promoted in the tabloids. The book ends with hope and freedom, albeit with sadness. My reaction is that the book weaves countless memories, events and impressions into a cohesive, informative read. It is well written, compelling, thoughtful, introspective and at times even humorous and tender. It is a fair response and last word to counter the avalanche of lies, distortions, insults and untruths spread primarily by the British tabloids and permitted by the Royals without protest. I recommend the book highly and thank Prince Harry, aka Harry Wales, for writing it.