Spinster: Making a Life of One's Own

Whether you are an inveterate single woman who still wants a relationship without the trappings of marriage, or even if you're currently partnered but still feel the call of the spinster in you (you enjoy your time alone, your ideal domestic situation involves living next door from your partner instead of in the same house or apartment), or if you've spent your life trying to "invent" a domestic situation of your own and want to know how other women before you have experienced both singlehood (spinsterhood), loneliness, and couplehood (as in the case of Edith Wharton and St Vincent Millay, or The Long-Winded Lady, or, more recently, Kate, herself, or me!), this book is for you. It's beautifully written and admirably researched, a pleasure to read.It's also a wonderful read for any young woman facing the world, to help her see that there are so many possibilities out there just waiting to happen or be created. I love this book, and have read it more than once, and plan to read it again. As a woman over 40, who was a late bloomer both creatively and domestically, I will brook no nonsense about how it's irrelevant to write about loneliness when you're not lonely anymore, or about spinsterhood when you're not currently single. As women living in a patriarchy, we are all subject to the vicissitudes of no longer being desirable, or being in a place where a single woman is not welcome or understood (like, at thanksgiving dinner at your parents' house), the inability to find an appropriate partner, or the loss of a partner: all these things leave a woman in the position of irrelevance in the eyes of society, and they're always lurking in the background. One moment you've got people to go to dinner with, and the next, you're an awkward presence. Those of you who complain that "she's not single often," as if she oughtn't write about this subject because she has had a few relationships, well, being single at all while all your friends get married and have children is quite an experience, even if it's a voluntary choice or lifestyle option. And it's more and more of an experience the older you get, and we're all getting older as I speak. So I'll brook none of this nonsense about whether she has the right to write about this subject. It's a relevant subject for anyone who's capable of loneliness and emotional insecurity, which, I think, is all of us.If you're single and want to read about how awful men are and how unfair life is, don't read this book. If you're married and think single women are silly and irresponsible, this book isn't for you. If you're like me, though, and have rejected marriage as a lifestyle all your life, while making a life of your own, with relationships, with periods of loneliness, without any examples to guide you, without any reaffirmation, but without apology, I promise you, this book will feel like an old friend coming to visit.

First, let me say, I enjoyed the book. I found the history very well researched and interesting and found the book thought provoking. In the aftermath of finishing it though, I am left a bit disappointed. For starters, that the author has met so many amazingly nice and selfless men on her short journey of 39 years is complete B.S.- I suspect she is being kind because they are all still alive, she doesn't want to get sued, and they are secondary to the subject of the book, in the authors mind.She romanticizes being single, talks it up, yet can't go for long without the attention of a man in her own life or the constant socializing. Her own life centers around an obsession with these truly strong, talented and amazing societal warriors, her 5 awakeners. Yet she is still asleep at the end of the book. I suspect her real only detractor from actually "getting it," is her youth. I never heard her own voice in the process of her discoveries. She remains a wannabe rather than a true artist. That which she treated as personal insight I saw as no more than personal angst. Brought on by our societies obsession with coupledom. For a primal and raw look at where our society gets it's attitudes you need look no further than the film, "Girl Rising." Men have kept women in a state of servitude and angst forever. They prefer to have the financial power and all that comes with it, than a strong, financially independent woman. There are exceptions of course, but not enough to make a difference.I saw nothing about self acceptance and self love. That is a higher love and facilitates a happy life of solitude beyond anything any relationship can provide. For both sexes. It is all abiding, unconditional and solid. Once you have it, you never worry about losing it. The other love is only attraction. With attraction eventually comes repulsion. There are conditions you must live by. Loving yourself unconditionally as part of something bigger, is a higher love. Again, I think it is just her youth. She ends the book by once again "falling in love" with a great guy. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Surely she has thrown him under the bus by now.

This book seems like is not really sure what it wants to be - it's readable enough that I kept turning to it when I was bored, but as someone who has actually spent most of her adult life as a perpetually single lady, I could not help but feel annoyed by the glamorization of the single life by a woman whom, it quickly becomes apparent, has been dating or cohabiting for nearly three decades. In 2016, the premise of this author's "spinsterhood" seems a bit irrelevant; most couples probably do end up getting married, yes, but cohabitation and marriage are pretty interchangeable, and I think that even most of the married people I know would agree that just having someone to spend their days and grow old with is much more significant that the fact of marriage itself.I ordered this book because I enjoyed the Atlantic article by Kate Bolick and now that it seems that all of my friends are getting married, I was hoping for a little perspective on moving into my thirties as someone who hasn't yet found the right relationship - this is what the book appears to be from the cover, but it's actually something totally different. I'm not saying that there aren't things that are worth celebrating in being single; there are many, but you won't find them here. I get the sense that the author hasn't spent much time truly alone at all (and of course, none of the role models that she profiles here were ultimately spinsters either.) In general it's well written and an easy read, but if you are expecting anything truly insightful or groundbreaking I'd skip it.

Really well written with humility and reflection - no blame, shaming or entitlement. Couldn’t put it down once I started and more insightful and relatable than I ever expected!

just okay..not that good

I loved this book. It taught me how to see my life as a woman as something that can be complete regardless of whether you marry/have kids or not. This unfolded through beautiful narrative and stories from others through the centuries that have loved a fulfilling life.

I don't think I've ever read a book faster than I digested this one. Thrilled by her personal honesty and dedication to soul-feeding research, I'm so grateful to have been pointed in the direction of this book. A perfect blend of her story, the stories of 5 strong, largely single women from the past, and how their stories relate to each other.

Though I enjoyed the history lesions about spinsters in American history that influenced the author and shaped some of her life and ideals, that's not what I thought this book would be about.I expected it would perhaps use this history to teach lessons or offer suggestions on how to seek what will fulfill your life, and how find happiness as a spinster if that is your wish.This book rather was more like a collection of mini biographies, and even the author's own biography of her life seems to miss the point of being a spinster entirely; she is always dating or in a relationship, seeming to search for the convention of marriage without wanting to admit it.Overall, I felt this book was rather falsely advertised and the author isn't being honest with herself about what she wants, but the history of women and feminism was still interesting.