Cheating in a Nutshell: What Infidelity Does to The Victim (Asked, Answered and Explained)

This book answered questions that I have been asking for 7 years.I knew divorcing my cheating ex-wife, which contradicted a lot of current thinking, was the right thing to do but had some lingering doubts.No more.This book redresses the balance - it emphasises protection of the wounded party and offers no phoney apologies for the perpetrator of the greatest emotional harm possible.I thank the authors for setting the record straight: cheating is terminal.An endorsement by Linda MacDonald, elsewhere in the reviews, is justly earned.A book of great clarity that I wholeheartedly recommend to fellow victims.

I was recommended to read this book to help me understand that it's not your fault a person cheats, it's a flaw in the cheat's character. Cheats gaslight and blameshift to avoid accountability. After years trying to fix me, marriage kids etc, while my partner carried on cheating and discrediting me, I know now that whatever I did or didn't do, how good or bad I was, he would have still cheated. This is who he is. This book helped me to understand I am the victim and often society and professionals will blame the victim and not the abuser. Cheating is emotionally abusive. This book is definitely the one every person who is going through betrayal trauma should read.

One of the best books on the subject. Cuts right to the heart of the matter and is well researched. The other book that I would suggest is Leave A Cheater Gain a Life by Tracy Schorn. Most books on cheating are too forgiving of cheaters. These are the only two I know of which speak the truth; cheating is a form of abuse and a relationship with a cheater is always going to be a nightmare of suspicion, hypervigilance and sadness, not to mention the risk of STDs. Divorce the scumbags! They don't change, though they will blatantly lie and promise to do so. If they cheated, you must face the fact that they don't love you.

Another reviewer noted this book is ahead of its time in that it accurately portrays what victims of infidelity experience. An affair is never the fault of the person who was cheated on. Never. And this book shows how we need to stop trivializing, excusing and even romanticizing infidelity. Wayne and Tamara Mitchell cite years of letters from the cheated-upon, the other woman/man, the cheaters, and the children of parents who cheated to show the real effects of betrayal. The focus is on the betrayed not the cheater, and if you've been cheated on, I agree with other reviewers: this is the best book, the only one you need. Marriage counselors should add it to their libraries too.The authors cite psychological studies about gut reactions, primitive responses, etc. to illustrate why being cheated on is so traumatic. They also cite studies of how humans make decisions, assess risk, are informed by bias, etc. in chapters discussing why people choose to stay or leave a relationship. If you are considering those options, the scientific studies referenced in this book might lend some clarity to that process.Finally, there is practical advice for what the betrayed partner can do to heal. In one study, the authors cite Dr. Glenn Schiardi's work on PTSD, types of trauma humans experience and how easy each type is to get over. Looking at that research, Wayne and Tamra note, "The hardest events to overcome are those which are man-made and deliberate. Cheating adds one additional element to that. Not only was the act man-made, not only was it deliberate, it was done by a person within our smallest circle of attachment. We believed they loved us . . ." Gut-wrenching. But you can heal. This book will help.This book is written with kindness and empathy and clear logic to help those who've been betrayed make informed choices about how to move forward in life. I agree with the other reviewers who say this is the only book on infidelity you need.

In today’s society it often seems that you are the odd one not being quickly ok after the person you should have been able to trust the most has betrayed you. Cheating is no big deal, going to prostitutes or viewing porn, everyone does it. I think we are more and more being held hostages by the apologists of this kind of worldview. Fortunately, I found this book, and finally feel validated in what I have always felt and known: cheating is wrong and bad. And my life won’t be defined by it if I don’t let it. This book is like many sessions with a good therapist or better. Definitely recommend it to everyone who has experienced the worst betrayal by their partner.

This book was enlightening, empowering and encouraging. I resonated with so many of the scenarios presented and the authors advice couldn’t be any more on point in so many aspects, it was eye opening to understand how universal this experience is and it helped me feel better about the shoes I’m in today and the steps I’ll be taking tomorrow. Thank you!

If you have been betrayed by your committed partner/ spouse, this book contains the straight facts behind how that impacts you as a human being.If you can understand and accept those facts, you will know what you must do.Read it twice.