The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent

Betty Martin generously guides you into a new way of approaching touch - and by centering consent, clarity and kindness in every moment of touch, you'll find yourself transformed by this approach. This is a valuable manual for our times, when so many are looking to reach out and connect with integrity and compassion. Betty Martin's work moves the conversation about consent away from an intellectual exercise and lands it right where it belongs, in our embodied responses to each unique situation. This book will empower you with the tools to bravely ask for what you want, hold clear boundaries and negotiate with confidence. Betty brings us out of the sterile conversations about consent and back home to the rich landscape of human connection.

Humans have been interacting for thousands of years, and learning good interpersonal relations are more important than ever. More and more people are interested in learning about consent, and how to give and receive touch. I took Betty's Wheel of Consent class and this book is a valuable resource that reviews many exercises and concepts. I was able to take these creative concepts and apply them to my work with clients, as well as in my personal life. Too often we rush through interactions with others, fumble through and hope for the best. This book allows you a chance to slow down and be mindful with your intentions. It is easy to read and follow. So many practical ideas on how to create and respect boundaries. I think this book could teach empaths and people on the autism spectrum and others concrete guidelines for successfully interacting with others. A rewarding and fresh perspective.

Betty Martin’s work, bringing forth the Wheel of Consent, is a leveling up opportunity for modern human thought and action. This work is at the cutting edge of human consciousness evolving. It’s a total game changer, and something you simply must experience for yourself. Read the book, but don’t stop there. Giving and receiving with conscious consent and intent is a practice which must be enacted. This book is a wonderful addition to any path of personal development, for both body and mind. As I have personally learned in working with Betty, mindfulness is nothing without embodiment.

This book could be life changing for you! I’ve never written a book review on Amazon before but I have to recommend The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent, by Betty Martin with Robyn Dalzen.Betty Martin has been working in the area of touch, pleasure, consent, and self-awareness for many years. She has been generous in sharing her knowledge and experience on her excellent website and in seminars. Now she has done the hard work of putting these years of experience into an excellent book. It is clearly written, with memorable examples, gentle guidance and thoughtful steps for practicing the wheel of consent. She has been sharing her version of the 3 minute game and the diagram of the wheel of consent and now there is detailed guidance for how to implement it in your own life. I recommend her work for everyone from teens beginning to explore their sexuality to couples of all types who have been together for decades. I believe we can all learn and heal from what is in this book if we are willing to explore the practice of the wheel of consent. Thank you, Betty, for all your work to bring this to us!

Getting in touch with what you are actually feeling, what you actually want, and figuring out how that interacts with another partner is amazingly healing, and enjoyable whether or not you are a trauma survivor. I can’t recommend this enough.

I have been lucky enough to be exposed to Betty's teachings for many years. It's great to see them encapsulated in this book. It's a valuable read for those who truly want to understand consent and use those skills. So often people use guilt, innuendo, hinting, silent hoping and resentment, manipulation or some other form of non-direct method to try and get what they want. Betty's book gives a much cleaner model. I've personally used her teachings in dating, long-term relationships, cuddle parties, sexually-oriented social events, and even at work when applying them to non-touch oriented interactions. Having such a clear structure and understanding of giving and receiving makes interactions much cleaner, less likely to go awry, as well as making it more likely for the people involved to each get what they want out of the interaction.

Betty martin’s work is both simple to understand and transformational. It has had so many positive effects in my life from simple negotiations in the kitchen to powerful intimate experiences. This book reveals the underpinnings of everyday exchanges and give those who practice this work more choice to both give to other and receive more of what they really want.

Betty Martin is an amazing educator, that has developed the Wheel of Consent, which is a valuable practice that allows you to look inside yourself and examine your interactions with the world.This book includes not only these gems of wisdom but also exercises that allow you to embody these lessons in yourself and practice these wonderful skills.I highly recommend it for anyone who wants to learn more about their boundaries, and how to ask for what you want.

This deeply insightful and inspiring book distills the wisdom Betty Martin has acquired from thirty years of working and teaching in this area. I’ve been practising and teaching various models of consent over the last fifteen years, and the Wheel of Consent is by far the best model I have come across.To put the Wheel of Consent into perspective, at the simplest level (what I’d call ‘Consent 101’) are things like the ‘Consent is as simple as Tea’ video. It seems this approach has encouraged people to communicate more about sex, and to ask questions of each other, rather than just assume. However it only goes so far. Most cultures have far more taboos and shame around sexuality than they do around tea, and people are much more likely to hold trauma in their bodies related to sex than tea-drinking.A good example of the next level (‘Consent 201’) is the ‘FRIES’ acronym, which asserts that consent needs to be: Freely given (no coercion), Reversible (you can change your mind), Informed (relevant information which might affect your decision is not withheld), Enthusiastic (‘hmmm, well, I guess so’ is not a clear enough yes) and Specific (consenting to one thing doesn’t mean you’ve consented to anything else). This is clearly a big improvement in defining what needs to be present for consent to be established, and it applies to many situations, not just sex.Then there’s the Wheel of Consent (‘Consent 301’) which goes further than FRIES in two key respects. The first is that it takes a closer look at the word ‘Enthusiastic’, where a more nuanced approach reveals there are two different kinds of a full ‘yes’. The first is ‘Want To’ – saying a wholehearted yes to something I want and which is for me. The second kind is ‘Willing To’ – saying a wholehearted yes to something I am willing to do for you. Asking these two questions, ‘Who Is Doing?’ (you or me) and ‘Who Is It For?’ (you or me) creates four possibilities, each of which has a different flavour, and requires a different kind of consent agreement to be made. Many insights can flow from this.The Wheel of Consent is also an embodied practice. Betty Martin’s book clearly describes some simple practices to help us notice and communicate the nuanced sensations and emotions which arise when making and responding to touch requests. This simple, naturally trauma-sensitive practice has transformed my relationship with consent in all areas of my life. Buy the book!

As a Somatic Sexologist, Betty Martin’s work is an important tool for my work with clients. Finding out what kind of touch we want, and learning to communicate about it means actually trusting that we can receive what we desire. In terms of sexuality, many of us just go along with our partners’ desires. When Betty Martin describes her own journey, she realises: ‘I had learned that my sexuality was always in response to someone else’s—someone else’s desire, someone else’s idea of what was sexy. But now it belonged to me.’ Often, the question people consult me about is ‘How do I get better at liking something I don’t actually like?’. I’m thrilled that this book is now available, because Betty Martin’s work is truly life changing. I really recommend this book to anyone who would like to be a better lover, a better partner, or, maybe for the first time in their lives, rediscover the sheer delight we had as toddlers, ravishing the living room, before we were told we had to be useful members of society. Do read this book!

The Wheel of Consent has become an endlessly rewarding practice, a gift for creating intimacy and understanding in relationships, a context for coaching, and most of all an illuminating tool for empowering agency by undoing the human tendency to go along with things we’d prefer not to.The Wheel of Consent is fascinating in its simplicity and scope and Betty Martin is wonderfully clear in explaining her model and defining terms. Be sure to engage in the practices in addition to reading however; intellectual understanding is only part of the Wheel as this is an embodied praxis, made up of practices that continue to give back the more they are experienced.Dive in!

Working with Robyn and Betty changed every relationship in my life including the one with myself. This book contains so much valuable information that we have never been taught. Read the book and embody the teachings, it is a lifelong process that changes everything. So much gratitude for bringing these teachings into a world that really needs it.

I once heard someone call Betty Martin as "queen of consent". Knowing her work and now reading her book, she most definitely is. Recieving and giving is truly an art, and once we step out of our shadow plays, this art enriches our lives in amazing ways.This book should be on a read list for all schools. This should be part of our education system. Simply put, read the book, and then live it in your life and see how it blossoms...