Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors

This book hasn't worked any "magic", but it did help me understand some of my sons behavior. For children with a traumatic background, I believe this method is useful. I would suggest parents of adopted or foster children read the book. However, the book needs more examples of real life. The three examples given in the chapter for aggression have the child calming down or at least not being physically aggressive when you sit and wait out their behavior calmly. There is no discussion about what to do when the child is attacking you physically.

This is a really great book for parents of adopted, foster, or other traumatized children. It gives a scenario, then the traditional approach, then a new approach. Oh how I relate to the traditional approach! Without knowing it, that is what I thought & what I've heard so many times from peers & parents! This book gave me more empathy, and a new way to view behaviors with the kiddos I'm helping. I also got this book on Audible. I had to keep pausing the audio because I was blown away. They were describing some of my situations! It took me some time to digest (although it is not in complicated language, it gives deep insight). I will be re-reading/listening.

5 stars, because it immediately changed the paradigms on logic and consequences in our parenting. Lots more peace and joy in the family that our adopted son deserves. Prior to reading the book I was sure I needed to fix myself because I had begun to notice I was reacting in fear. Perfect that I was recommended this book because I found out that our son has his own fears, too! My hubby is reading this now so he will understand my new attitude!

Rarely is there a book that has such a big impact that it marks time. There is the extreme frustration and severe pain before reading this book, then there was the beginning of healing that began 4 years ago once I read this book.I dont remember that the book was completely applicable and useful. I do remember passages that shifted my thinking and helped me see the need for me to practice unconditional love and acceptance of the situation.Would I have found this understanding eventually without reading this book? I honesty dont know. I do know that reading this book helped me to shift my thinking, led me to start supporting my daughter, which led her to accept lots of professional help. She is now on her way toward recovery.

I had been struggling for years with my daughter's behaviors. In my line of profession as an educator I not only have worked with extremely behaviorally challenged children, but have also had the opportunity to work with families in their homes and empower parents, equipping them with skills to successfully support their child's development and success, however I was finding that I could help "fix" everybody else's child, but my own. Someone once said to me it was because I was more emotionally attached to my own in a way I wasn't to the others. I began to pray harder and my prayers went from "show me God how to help her be successful" to "help me Lord become the parent she needs me to be. Help me see her through Your eyes. Show me how I need to change me, in order to be who she needs me to be, for her." Within a week of constant praying this prayer, one day after praying this prayer I began another internet search, my Google search was nothing different than before, but this time this book "fell into my lap". I read an excerpt from it and it immediately clicked. Being an educator and very knowledgeable of early childhood and brain development,everything went hand in hand with what I already knew...so I bought the book because usually had to read more! It was then that I discovered how I had to deal with my own fears and heal myself in order to meet my daughter's needs and begin the processes of healing her from her fears. This book truly was a God send and I recommend it to everyone I can!

This book has been life changing in our home. We did not realize until after adoption that we were facing attachment disorder issues. Once I realized how bad things were getting and how wrong the direction we were headed was, I looked for answers and found them in this book. The understanding I have for her behaviors and my own have changed our home. There is more love, very little yelling and much less stress. I have also been able to apply this to all aspects of my life. Work and otherwise. It gives you a better understanding of people and how their behavior enacts your own fears and as a result your own behaviors. I am much more peaceful and for that I will be forever grateful. I have told everyone I know about this book. My husband and I will be traveling to a seminar in November as well.

If you have adopted any child or are thinking of adopting a child this book is one you should read. Read the book The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier first then read this straight after so you know there is hope. I adopted my sisters children after she died and I could not understand the behaviour, I have went through years of blaming myself trying every parenting programme I could find, having people tell me I was not strict enough, I was to soft, I felt to sorry for the children etc. I have just finished these 2 books and now I understand so much better, why It seems to be a constant battle of wills in my home. I hope now with this understanding that I can change things, in fact things have improved just because my attitude has changed, I can't recommend this book enough if you want to understand the Adopted Child, whatever your circumstances.

Finally a book that makes sence of childrens behaviours, that professionals have been advising in the past parenting statagies that did not sit well with any loving parent. This is a book that is giving parents an effective way to parent, which we all know will work as it is based on 'LOVE'Once read you will not be able to help yourself to order your next copy as there is a Vol 2

A 'must read' book for parents of children with difficult behaviours. It really opened my eyes to alternative ways of helping children who suffer in this way. I have a much better understanding of their problems as a result.

A thought provoking book with strategies and good common sense advice. Like the down to earth case studies too. Good to reflect on current thinking with new ideas. Not sure all will work but worth a try

Finally a book that gets to the heart of the issues involved. The authors, unlike others whom I've read, make the child neither the enemy nor the victim. The child is part of the family, one needing and deserving love. Parents are encouraged to consider their own fears which drive their own responses and behaviours towards their kids. Very insightful. And it works! Highly recommended.