Never Too Young to Die

Never Too Young to Die is one of the most eighties films you will ever see. The film stars John Stamos who joins forces with his father’s partner Vanity after daddy is killed trying to prevent a hermaphrodite, played by Gene Simmons, from poisoning the towns water supply.The Good: Vanity and Gene Simmons. Vanity is simply ethereal in this film. There doesn’t seem to be a shot where she isn’t effortlessly beautiful. She also shows decent action and acting chops. She is not Meryl Streep mind you but compared to say Denise Richards in The World Is Not Enough she is a cut above as the action heroes girlfriend. Gene Simmons is the other gem. Channeling both Tim Curry’s Dr. Frank-N-Furter and The Joker. He takes what could have easily been an offensive and problematic bad guy and makes him/her so over the top offensive and problematic it becomes a delightful tour de force.The Bad: Well the rest of the movie. George Lazenby (That guy who keeps Timothy Dalton from being the world’s worst Bond) is kinda just there and while John Stamos isn’t awful by any means he can hardly hold his own against Vanity and Gene Simmons. (Yeah let that thought roll around in your head a minute.)Gene Simmon’s minions look like they wandered off the Death Wish 3 set or perhaps a post-apocalyptic Full Moon Feature. They are entertaining enough but so out of place in the universe as is the army chasing them. Gil Bettman’s direction is a simple point and shoot affair with some strange choices. He shoots a sex scene that clearly calls for an Emmanuel style soft focus linger in the same fast cut back and forth he shoots the action scenes.Overall: This is not a good movie. This, however, is an incredible eighties film. Vanity and Simmons simply elevate the already insane base material to a new level. It may not be defensible but it is sure entertaining.

This movie feels like someone was desperate to capitalize on several different concepts that were hot with "the youths" at the time. There are hints of Rocky Horror Picture Show, Gymkata, Real Genius, Mad Max, James Bond, plus plenty of punks, bikers, and Vanity! I'm surprised they didn't cram a Transformer in there."Never Too Young to Die" is chaotic, yet predictable. It provokes more questions than it answers. This movie is very, very, stupid, but it had me hooked in the first five minutes: Lance Stargrove (baby John Stamos) is practicing his sweet gymnastics moves on the trampoline, and a song starts playing that sounds like the music from the Star Light Zone in the original Sonic the Hedgehog, with a woman singing "Staaaaaaaaaaaaar-GROVE! Higher than you've ever flown! Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar-GROVE! Running through the danger zone!" and I was TRANSFIXED.I took off 1 star, because I was expecting at least 30% more tumbling. They do have punk gangs on mopeds with metallic unicorn heads attached to the handlebars, which almost made up for it, but they weren't doing crazy stunts like in Aunt Becky's seminal work, Rad, so no dice!

As a movie, this is, generously, a B-movie. However, as a snapshot of exactly how much cocaine movie executives had access to in the mid-80s and an example of completely misunderstanding what would grab an audience, this is magnificent. The boardroom meeting must have involved someone going "Guys, what do the youths like?" and including a random Mad-Libs-esque collection of answers in the film: "Gene Simmons," "John Stamos," "That song 'Nasty Girl,'" "Bikers," and "James Bond but not toooooo much James Bond."I don't think anything has made me laugh this much at the sheer random craziness since Evil Toons. Also, pretty sure the IMDB summary was written by Gene Simmons to defend the movie.

I enjoyed the movie. It was fun catching up with this 80's flick. What made it special though, was the iconic Prince girl and the most beautiful woman I ever laid eyes on, "Vanity" AKA Denise Matthews. All her scenes were awesome! Her charisma is something to behold. She's legendary in her own right. Nice seeing a young John Stamos and Gene Simmons as well. They were both interesting characters. I dare you to try and take your eyes off Gene Simmons! Lol. This will be a cherished gem of mine. Thanks for re-issuing. I Hope that everything Vanity has ever done be re-issued. Rip Denise Matthews.

Uncle Jessie Vs a transsexual Gene Simmons??!!? Yes this is both as glorious and as mind-numbingly awful as that sounds. Both at once.Damn it, this disaster SHOULD have been the winner in Episode 1 of Red Letter Media's Best of the Worst series

I loved this movie. I had this on tape & I watched it a lot but I can't watch it anymore so I started to look for it on dvd. When I found this I just had to buy it & I'm glad I did. I what I like the most is the music it's gotten so I can hear it even when I'm not watching the movie.

I gave it 4 stars because I'm a die hard fan of Vanity whether or not the movies were good or bad. She knew how to make love to the camera...naturally. I happy that this movie came out finally on dvd/bluray....now release the other Vanity movies already!

So delightful. Excellent B-Movie. Recommended all the way from this, the hall of Olympus, set into the rock face of Everest.

Wow. I loved this movie as a kid. But seeing it after all these years I hadn't realized how very cheesy it is. The acting is even laughable at times.The lack of shout factories usual amount of special features shows there was not much interest in putting their normal special touch into this one.Special features include a just tv spot & historians commentary.

This movie is cheesy enough to make a full pot of KD. It's hilarious and awkward and I'll never pass up Gene Simmons in a skirt. I've only seen the movie once previously and the quality was Terrible. Having it on Blu-ray is wonderful. The image and sound are both crisp and clear as can be, and I can pick up on things I couldn't before because of it.

awesome