Parenting Without Borders: Surprising Lessons Parents Around the World Can Teach Us

I am a stay at home mom (formerly a teacher) with a 3 year old boy and I've come to a point where his behavior is not only driving me crazy, but starting to think that it's really not normal and we have a problem at our hands developing into something even more. We are a calm home (that was getting more and more tense) that really revolves around our son. We bring him to museums, playgrounds, etc., have educational toys, and do everything for him that we think we're supposed to. When he started randomly hitting kids for no reason, constantly screaming out loud noises, and being disrespectful in many other ways we tried all kinds of discipline, including time outs, ignoring, taking away toys, leaving the situation (as in leaving Target with a cart full of items)...everything that his pediatrician said to do. Nothing seemed to work and his bad behavior continued to increase.Parenting Without Borders was really eye opening. While it's not a manual to raising your child, it gives several concrete examples in which other cultures use to raise calm, respectful children. It was perfect for what I was looking for. I learned that a major part of the parenting my husband and I have been doing is giving my son TOO much attention (playing with him all the time, having tons of educational toys all over the place, constantly interacting with him - all of what I thought was the right thing to do). According to this book other cultures, such as Japan, let the kids figure it out, without a lot of adult interruption. I immediately started to encourage my son to play alone for much of the day and being more responsible and independent. It wasn't easy at first, sometimes he was screaming at me. So in that case I just calmly walked out of the room (being calm is another important thing I learned in this book), and quietly read a book - not to draw attention to his bad behavior. Not only does this force him to use his imagination; it has improved his behavior much of the day because of delayed gratification (that key component that Gross-Loh and other researches point to being the key of long-term happiness). He is able to handle situations much better, even in a short two week span of implementing this different parenting style.Gross-Loh also discusses the importance of food in other cultures. A lot of the hands-on time I spend with our son is preparing food together. I have him cut up simple foods or arrange colorful fruit on our plates. I'm not afraid to let him use a knife anymore either after this book. By showing my trust in him, and by having him take an active part in preparing food, folding laundry, taking dishes to the sink, etc., he is taking pride in helping and causing less trouble.I could honestly write a lot more in this review, but overall this has been the best parenting book I have read. A variety of cultures are explored and all add to the main idea of the book or having kids be more independent, calm, and overall respectful and kind kids. While it's not a "how to" book, it's a book to take a look at how other cultures raise their kids. Gross-Loh gives several examples that you can certainly try in your own household like I've done, and although somethings might be questioned by our peers/culture in America, I've noticed an amazing improvement in our son's behavior and also in the way I approach the problem times. I'm much more calm, confident and can handle his behavior a lot easier. After reading this book, I immediately read Bringing up Bebe, about how the French raise such calm babies. Also, a fantastic read.

I was hoping that I'd learn parenting techniques from a variety of cultures from this book - instead it focuses VERY heavily on Japan, a bit on Sweden, and has some anecdotal stories of a couple other places. Africa, South America, Southeast Asia and the Middle East are pretty much ignored altogether. I also found some of the points could have been made in way fewer pages. I did like some of the information, but overall I felt the title was misleading.

Overall, this book is an enjoyable read and offers great insight into what childhood looks like to various groups of people. As the author has lived in Japan for quite a few years, rearing her own children there for a few years, she does bring up Japanese culture quite a bit more than some other cultures; however still makes good points. Also, pay caution to some cultures where she only interviews one person. It does not mean that the account is wrong, however, it is difficult to generalize.I would like to point out two important points she brought up in the book. The first is risky play. In the book, the author emphasizes the importance of this risky and free play to test the limits of their bodies (climb trees, jump, explore curiosities) in order to learn from mistakes, gain confidence, and take on things that may seem a bit scary to them. Indeed, research backs this idea up as well. In the article, Risky Play and Children’s Safety: Balancing Priorities for Optimal Child Development, the authors, Brussoni, Olsen, Pike, & Sleet, emphasize that in order to keep children safe, it is important to let them take and manage their own risks. This way, they grow competent to handle various situations by themselves, and ultimately gain independence which they will use while growing and for the rest of their lives.The second important point the author brings up is co-sleeping. The American Academy of Pediatrics still advises against co-sleeping. However, the author has a different opinion. She puts forth evidence from various countries on how co-sleeping works for them, how children who co-slept are well-adjusted and independent, and how the rates of SIDS in those countries are actually lower. Similarly, some research in this area backs this up. In the article Why babies should never sleep alone: A review of the co-sleeping controversy in relation to SIDS, bed-sharing, and breast feeding, the authors (Mckenna & McDade) show that co-sleeping can be beneficial when done the correct way. This means laying the baby on the back and away from covers and pillows. The close proximity can help the baby regulate their breath when sleeping and their emotions if they wake. However, it can be dangerous and the author advises against it if the parent smokes, drinks, or does drugs.The author pulls a lot from people she has meant, and from research she has done. She looks at the American way with a critical eye, but makes insightful, good points. Make sure to keep an open-mind while reading!

I always thought parenting was somewhat of a universal phenomenon until I read this book. Parenting without Borders completely blew my mind about so many ways we parent in the U.S. It's a reminder that we are doing what we've been taught, not necessarily what's best. I realized that I had created beliefs about parenting from everything to how our babies sleep, to how we teach kids to share, and even how bullying is seen.Not only should every parent read this book, every person should read this book. I truly believe Americans sit on a very large island unaware of how much of the rest of the world operates. This is a great book to bring about awareness of how we are parenting and the idea that quite possibly we don't have it right.The only negative I have about this book is that I wish the author offered ideas or ways on how we can help to shift our American culture and views on parenting. It's tough to be the mom at the playground who stands back and doesn't correct her child for every behavior when so many other moms expect you to do so. I suppose it's the conversation that will make the change, but I would love to know more about how we can really make this shift.

If there was an option I'd probably say 3.5 stars. It's a great book and one that challenges perceived parenting norms and helps for each of us as parents to come up with our own solutions. Why not 5 stars? It feels at times too American focused, and also the writing style can sometimes be a bit too fundamentalist. What I mean by that is that the writing style is a bit too absolute and the claims made about 'how things are' in some cultures that I actually know quite well aren't really so, which made me doubt some of the claims made about the cultures I don't know so well. Nonetheless, for a parent looking to figure out what's best for their little one(s) there's definitely loads of food for thought in here.

Very impressed! Amazing book! I'm learning a lot about children! It is very good for all the parents. 👌 👏

Ich liebe dieses Buch! Es öffnet einem die Augen, wie unterschiedlich die Nationen erziehen und was man alles von der ostasiatischen Erziehung lernen kann! Es beschreibt und erklärt wunderbar den Verfall der westlichen Erziehung. Das Buch gibt keine Ratschläge, durch das Lesen werden einem automatisch die Augen geöffnet.

A book written by an author to clearly confirm her own parenting methods with little to no actual science used to back up her claims. The author uses personal experiences of conversations with acquaintances rather than actual facts.

I really liked this book. It made me think a lot, and question what I thought I knew. Read it! You might be surprised