For Parents and Teenagers: Dissolving the Barrier Between You and Your Teen

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I am a psychologist & work a lot with teens. I attended a couple of workshops with Dr. Glasser and really like choice theory/reality therapy. I found this book to be very interesting & accessible. The first couple of chapters in this book are about his approach/philosophy and the rest of the chapters are case studies with the approach in action. This book & Dr. Glasser's approach resonates with me a lot. I use it in my own relationships, including my marriage & in parenting. Also, I use this in therapy with my clients, and I often recommend this book to parents. While I don't agree with everything in it, and Dr. Glasser can be a bit extreme in his views on some things, there is much wisdom in this book that can help us all build and maintain healthy relationships, which are central to our happiness and effective parenting.

I use choice theory effectively every day with a difficult population of teenagers. The ideas are fairly simple but it can be difficult mostly because we are so good at coercion that it is easy to not notice when doing it, and because it seems adults are often place the priority of immediate behavior above building a trusting relationship and helping the teens develop the ability to make good choices even when adults are not checking up on them.

Very interesting approach. Parents need to instill in themselves the ability to listen and observe their child with an open mind. Try to remember what it was like being young and trying to find yourself it wasn't always easy. Glasser gives you that insight and strategies that help build relationships instead of breaking them down.

Overall, I agree with the concepts in this book, but Dr. Glasser's assertions that people are responsible for their own actions is a little idealized. In theory, that's true, but a lot of people have emotional triggers that they subconsciously react to without thinking. They may be emotionally triggered by benign actions by their kids and overreact inappropriately. (For reference, I recommend reading Triggers by Marshall Goldsmith). I would say that a lot of parents aren't even in the position of controlling their own thoughts and actions, and that they need to get their own issues out of the way before this book can work.This book contains a lot of verbatim conversations to show the author's working in his patients. That's neither good nor bad; that's just how the author chose to write this book. Also, the chapter on schizophrenia totally lost me. That's the one chapter I couldn't wrap my head around, although the author also apparently wrote other books about this topic. I can't say I'm convinced that schizophrenia is caused by lack of choices for the teenager. I'll keep an open mind, but so far I'm not convinced.Although I do think parents could gain a lot by treating their kids with more respect, I also don't believe that parents should treat their kids like friends. Choice theory promotes that idea--that you don't make decisions for, punish, or criticize your friends, so you shouldn't do that to your kids either. I agree, but only up to a point. Parents would gain more from their teenagers if they (the parents) behaved in ways that improved the relationship with their kids, not drive them away. But I'm still the parent, and I don't think I should treat my kid exactly as a friend. BUT, the examples that Dr. Glasser gives in this book are extreme: teenagers who are cutting school, suffering from eating disorders, committing crimes--perhaps in these cases you have nothing left but to treat your kid as a friend. You can't do anything else anyway. But how about a regular teenager whose only crime is slacking off on chores and procrastination?

As a Parent Effectiveness Training instructor, I find this book to support and add to my understanding of the parent/child dynamic. Like Thomas Gordon, William Glasser explains how we destroy relationships with our words. Because I have come to understand the damage done to children through the traditional and ill-advised drive for parental control at all costs, Dr Glasser's work is particularly helpful in furthering my undersatanding for helping parents escape from this destructive way of thinking.

I love the basic concept. Its a thought I've been doing around in my head for the last couple years that the only person you can control is yourself and that you can control your thoughts feelings words behaviors actions reactions and interactions. However the book was disjointed and poorly written. It felt like multiple vignettes strung together to try making a point whereas I think the author would have been better served to create a more linear book. Start with the theory basics ten have one vignette situation worked out and applied back to the theory. He constantly visits and revisits vignettes throughout and in doing so looses the reader cause they have to back track. However I will be using this theory in my marriage and with my kids. It puts into words the issues I had with my parents that I don't want to continue

This book is superb! Wish I’d known about it as a young parent, I certainly could have changed my way of doing things and saved myself a lot of miseryThe book is a very easy read, very down to earth, in layman’s talk and is an eye opener. I love how he uses real life problems and shows how to deal with difficulties. I recognised how I like to be in control, “because I’m the parent”, but that is not the way to deal with our children. It doesn’t mean we let them do what they like, but shows how to allow your child to be in control so that he/she makes the right choice. He has written lots of books. I’m going to start on my next one now.Cannot recommend this book enough. Pity there are no schools in the UK, as far as I know, that practice this method of Choice Therapy.

Extremely good book. Must have for all parents...works even in Indian context

Very helpful book