Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself Paperback – Illustrated, October 17, 2017

If you put into action what you are taught in this book, everyone will benefit. When you think about the leaders and mentors that you admire around you, they all have the ability to be authentic and composed. Confidence comes with unapologetically knowing who you are and having the courage to express it. I will be recommending this book to others who have social anxiety and are trapped in people pleasing prison. Break free from your “self-cell”and apply these techniques. It is a bulky book with just the right amount of words. I couldn’t put it down. This will be a book that I read once a year. I never post reviews, but for such a life changing book, I had too. Plus, maybe it had a little bit to do with the possibility of others judging my review. Not anymore my friends.

There have been a number of best selling books recently that speak words of wisdom of how to not give a F— in order to be free and live the good life. What those books leave out are the internal thought patterns that trap people in their heads and causes them to be nice to others even at their own expense.At first glance, ‘Not Nice’ appears to fit this pattern. Because only a jerk would want to not be nice to others right!? What makes Dr. Aziz’s approach different is that is explains in detail the reasons why we accommodate, appease, and seek people’s consideration and approval. The fact is we very much care about what people think of us and by pleasing others, giving them everything they want, and never creating discomfort, we will be accepted. Unfortunately, as many nice people know, always accommodating lowers your personal energy and leaves you drained. Eventually you become angry at others and yourself for allowing it to happen.Dr. Aziz lays out the reasons why we learned from an early age to be proper and respectful at times. It continues into adulthood where we experience anxiety and stress that consumes our social, romantic, and professional interactions. We become so pressured to be accepted by others that it manifests itself as physical symptoms that arise from this anxiety. Dr. Aziz shares his personal stories of anxiety causing symptoms because of the mental toll caused from always people-pleasing and always accommodating others. He lists the specific tools necessary to be your own #1 advocate and take better care of yourself without always feeling so guilt about this. Dr. Aziz makes it clear that making significant change takes direct action and consistency. Fortunately, he provides a multitude of case studies and scenarios to illustrate how to get started.In the second part of the book, Dr Aziz speaks on how to reshape your mentality and take action. It’s not about becoming mean or cold towards others. It’s about bringing your bold and authentic self into the light for others to appreciate. At the core of ‘Not Nice’ is a passionate plea to not compromise yourself in life. Only by acknowledging and accepting your thoughts and attitudes can you begin to advocate for yourself. I have noticed in my brief application of some techniques from this book, how people are surprised that I pushed back at a request or spoke for myself for a chance. The anxiety is still there but I feel better about it. Plus others respect me more than I thought they would.‘Not Nice’ is an excellent and refreshing take on how to be your own best advocate. It’s well researched and contains a lot of material. But ultimately it’s just a guide; you still have to apply it in the real world consistently for it to work. If you are ready to step outside of your comfort zone to be a better you, this book is a great introduction.

I'm in my late 50s and just discovered this book. Wow, I could have used this book 40 years ago! But, I'm enthused to benefit from this valuable information and practical advice for the next 40 years. Although I can't relate to everything about being too nice, there are many areas where I can and am already applying what I've learned. That said, I like the first half of the book better than the rest. The second half is a bit verbose and often difficult to relate to. Overall, great book, but could have been written in less than 300 pages.

Love this book, read it last year and I think I'm gonna read it again this year.I still use the affirmations taught in this book, as well as some of the personal rights that apply to me.People can tell when someone isn't being authentic and it's uncomfortable being around a people pleaser. I was reading this book while at a remote job site and I began to notice myself trying to be a people pleaser, playing "nice" instead of being authentic, and I noticed other people doing it as well and it always created awkward situations.This book gave me the confidence to be more authentic while still being positive; to express myself while still respecting others, and that definitely created less awkward situations for me. I change the subject and end conversations when I want now and I do it all without feeling unnecessary guilt. It taught me not to replay conversations in my head wondering if I said something I shouldn't have said(a sign you're a people pleaser), as well as many other things.How? By helping me realize that I wasn't being myself in so many situations, then helping me SET my personal rights and boundaries so that I may start being authentic and continue to become better at being authentic.There's a huge sense of freedom when being authentic. So if you're tired of playing "nice" and ready to start feeling free, then this book is for you!

Dr Aziz is awesome as always, and has helped me so much. Highly recommend anything he writes or any videos.